While on my road-trip I felt an unexpected urge to begin writing again. A lot of this came from the emotional roller coaster I was on (am still on?) and the absolute need to write out my thoughts… to get them off my mind and move forward. Now that I’m home and life has settled back into something resembling “normal” my passion to write is waning. But, I do need to write – if for no other reason than to keep putting my true feelings out there for the world to see so that I feel less silenced.
Silenced. That’s how I’m still feeling and it’s eating me from the inside, out.
Someone asked me, “who is it that has silenced you?” and my answer, “I guess I silenced myself,” wasn’t as surprising as it was painfully difficult to admit “out loud”. I’ve been the one holed up and stuck in my own head for… years, at this point… and I can’t find the courage to start up again. I want to write, desperately, but it makes my reality too real.
I think I’ll look for and/or invent something less introspective to write about on a daily basis. I have a few ideas, maybe even ones I can share with friends interested in writing, too, but I have to find something to get the writer in me back out and… writing.
It’s not so much about needing to blab all of my personal thoughts as it is learning to re-love something I once found solace in that was so easy – like water through a sieve – to do.
Gah. I really need to get my blog back on.
© 2011 – 2012, Krissi Bates-Billings. (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0) Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported
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