Oh, hello. Have you seen me, lately? No? I haven’t seen much of myself much, either. I’ve been absent – and not just in mind – but from my life, my friends, my social medias, and… my blog. It seems that four years have slipped past without more than a handful of posts and a few dribbles of unexplored creativity. It’s been a rough four years – 2011 was by far the worst – and rougher still trying to “save face” and pretend that I’ve been ok. Well, I’m not ok, I’m on the flipside of what used to resemble “ok.”
I must confess: I’ve been living somewhat of a lie – a lie of convenience and one of denial. My lie has been in believing too much in “I make my own happiness,” and in not noticing that sometimes, no matter how hard I try, happiness has simply not been attainable. Happiness is fleeting and without sadness we wouldn’t appreciate it..
..in fact, without a flipside to everything we can’t appreciate anything.
For the last six months I’ve been journaling privately using an iOS app called Momento and in my blog you’ll find some of the entries I’ve imported (the ones I could muster into the public realm) that contain raw emotions that are still currently relative. I’m not asking or wanting sympathy, nor am I offering to explain the entries further, I’m only asking that should you choose to read them, that you do so with an open-mind. The events and people I’ve written about were the beginnings of my recognizing my own flipside and that’s why I’ve chosen to include them, here.
So. I’m back online and I hope to stay. I have lots to say (at least the voices in my head keep telling me I do) and plenty of ideas to spin. I have high hopes that my blog will again become a place for me to not only create, but to connect, share, and… feel safe, again. I think I’m up for this challenge, although only time will tell.
I’ll be seeing you again, soon..
© 2012, Krissi Bates-Billings. (CC BY-NC-ND 3.0) Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported
Twitter:
As we both have discussed plenty of times, and especially in our recent late night foray (actually, that was already over a month ago wasn’t it? JEEZ), but forever “happiness” is just impossible to achieve. We can only deal with life as we see it, and not as we make it. Sometimes what we “want” and what we can actually “get” are two different things, and we just need to learn to be happy with what we can “get”, regardless of our “wants” not matching it completely (which can happen sometimes).
Hard for me to word that right now, but yea… I know you understand me.
And unrelated: ooooh, I like your “link to follow you on twitter” feature below… Awesome :)
Twitter:
“Forever “happiness” is just impossible to achieve”
Yes, and I reflected on our most recent conversation (from a few weeks ago) when I was writing this post. Even though I didn’t agree with your POV as much then, I have since thought about it a lot and agree… which is why I incorporated it into what I wrote here. So… you were right /highfive
Twitter:
I hope this can be the vehicle for what youve been looking (hoping?) for. I’m here as you’re friend for the long haul, no matter what. And I look forward to helping in any creative projects you think of. :)
Twitter:
You’ve always been a supportive friend, Kriseb. I’m lucky to have you in my life. Thank you!