Tag Archives: blog

In my head

voiceshead

I stop blogging when I get inside my head too much – or when I can’t stop thinking long enough to write out all of my thoughts. It’s an endless self-analytic process that oftentimes leads me down a tricky path straight into the clutches of self-doubt. I go brain-dead while trying to figure things out and then I end up in a whirring downward spiral of ‘what-if‘s and ‘if-I-could-change-the-past’s. My thoughts get stuck in my brain and I’m unable to spit them out and post them with any version of cohesion. While My Future is staring me in the face with annoying intensity, I can’t even use my most trusted medium (writing) to set my thoughts free. I’m fully stuck in my head contemplating.

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Music Monday: She Makes War

shemakeswardisarm

A year ago this week Phil and I took our first road-trip together to Austin, TX for SXSW 2011. Phil flew in to Tampa from the UK and off we drove to spend a few days in a car together. We live-streamed our trip, took stupidly goofy pictures, managed to put up with the other’s minor annoyances (Phil’s socks! My bad texting while driving habit!) and listened to each other’s favorite music. There was one song in particular that we found ourselves listening to over and over – ‘Scared to Capsize‘ by She Makes War - and after listening to the angst-y, pure and sweet voice of Laura Kidd, I was kinda hooked. It also helped that Phil said, as he played it the first time, “this is totally your song, Krissi,” and he was right – it was perfect for that moment and for the rest of the moments in 2011.

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Wretched

cardhand

My life has been wretched. Life, itself, has been mean and hardly ever more than miserable in one way or another. Lately I’ve had a solid “what I don’t have,” instead of “what I do have,” disposition, so let’s cut the crap and get down and gritty with reality. My reality – the one that isn’t so perfect, the one where I can’t take my sweet mother’s words, (“you make your own happiness…”) and force them to be applicable, the one that has been wretched.

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Hello, Goodbye: Lullaby(Grrl)

maskslullabygrrl

Never in my life has my online presence been so uncomfortable and painful that I needed to be change and be ‘someone else’ to escape (albeit temporarily) into an alternate unreality. But the cumulative events in my ‘real life’ as well as my ‘online life’ during 2011, in particular from March through December, brought me to my knees – figuratively, emotionally, and psychologically. I broke completely in half for the first time in my life and I felt like I couldn’t even reach out and grasp onto any level of sanity. Enter LullabyGrrl: the temporary stand-in to represent “me” while I was incapable of being… me.

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I’m on the flipside

flipsideshadow

Oh, hello. Have you seen me, lately? No? I haven’t seen much of myself much, either. I’ve been absent – and not just in mind – but from my life, my friends, my social medias, and… my blog. It seems that four years have slipped past without more than a handful of posts and a few dribbles of unexplored creativity. It’s been a rough four years – 2011 was by far the worst – and rougher still trying to “save face” and pretend that I’ve been ok. Well, I’m not ok, I’m on the flipside of what used to resemble “ok.”

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