It’s a nightmare all over again. I’m dazed in madness… again, again, again. I either keep making the same mistakes or I keep misunderstanding how others interpret my actions or words. Somehow my words written in digital black and white, flat and void of emotion, translate into opportunities for assumptions to be made, applications of past and present personas – not mine – to be superimposed on what I have actually said, TYPED, in ‘Arial Narrow.’
Writing about my life is in my blood – I started journalling when I was about 7 or 8 years old and have never stopped (even during ‘breaks’ from blogging, I’m still writing something, somewhere.) Back then my first journal was a red wide-ruled spiral-bound notebook in which I penned my thoughts using blue ink and cursive. My very first entry was an eight-line poem about a chair written in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep. The combination of insomnia, writing about my life and needing to solidify it in ‘black and white’ is as natural to me as breathing and stretches far into my past – and I hope, far into my future (sans insomnia, of course!)
Less than 3% of the more than 3,200 blog posts I have written since 1999 are private and password-protected. You and the entire interwebz can read pleanty of TMI about me on the blog (password-free!) because only my most private (and often-times personal only-written-for-me thoughts) are protected. You can request the password from me by using the contact form on the Connect Page, however, if I keep things mum and the password never leaves my keyboard, please know its nothing personal. 
Oh, hello. Have you seen me, lately? No? I haven’t seen much of myself much, either. I’ve been absent – and not just in mind – but from my life, my friends, my social medias, and… my blog. It seems that four years have slipped past without more than a handful of posts and a few dribbles of unexplored creativity. It’s been a rough four years – 2011 was by far the worst – and rougher still trying to “save face” and pretend that I’ve been ok. Well, I’m not ok, I’m on the flipside of what used to resemble “ok.”
00:30 “Focus on what I do have..” > 無
I’ve been doing that my entire life.. but ya know what? Neglecting to focus on what I DON’T HAVE is catching up. It may be the least positive thing to do, but it’s time figure out what to do about the ever-increasing weight of “nothing,” of that old “what I don’t have”. I’m angry, sad, and.. alone. Alone in my head and with my thoughts.
I'm a traveler of places & an adventurer of emotions. I converse with the world through social media & communicate with humankind through open-mindedness. I advocate for what I believe is right & embrace possibitarianism. I'm an optimistic realist & I learn more about myself the more I understand about others. I'm a giver of endless second chances & the wearer of a shirt-sleeve heart. I'm a reveler in chaos & I love my own idealistic, unwavering hopefulness that one day I'll figure myself out.
In my life I've been 180° and back again & I'm ever-aware of what I have yet to learn...
© 2000 - 2012 - Life on the #Flipside 
