It’s a nightmare all over again. I’m dazed in madness… again, again, again. I either keep making the same mistakes or I keep misunderstanding how others interpret my actions or words. Somehow my words written in digital black and white, flat and void of emotion, translate into opportunities for assumptions to be made, applications of past and present personas – not mine – to be superimposed on what I have actually said, TYPED, in ‘Arial Narrow.’
Selfishly, I love when a friend randomly calls or texts to share their most important life-moments with me. I get butterflies and a giant silly grin on my face whenever I find out that someone I adore just became a father for the first time or that someone else deserving got a new job they’re excited about or that another someone recently began new relationship that finally feels ‘right’ for the first time. I become giddy at the sound of a familiar voice filled with indulgent bliss, or upon reading a flat, electronically indifferent text message that’s been instantly transformed into a glowing banner representative of a newly treasured experience-in-the-making.
Read more on Celebrating joy, with a little help from my friends…
Let me take a bit of a break in thinking (blogging?) about myself and turn to what matters more to me than any single thing in the world – friendship. To me, friendship covers the entire spectrum of love and includes the realms of family and all others who are important to me. In fact, friendship and those whom I hold close to my heart really are my family more than any other humans on this planet. However, when the ties of friendship are strained due to circumstances beyond my control the predominate feeling is of helplessness… in wanting to “be there” for my friends even though it’s sometimes just not possible.
Even in bygones I still find fault in myself for being ever optomistic and holding on to hope… even the tiniest amount. Hope not for myself and what’s missing, but hope for what’s missing to find the strength to change. I can’t make the change for someone else, I can only hope for the empowerment of another’s self to find the courage. Here’s to maybe – maybe in the future you’re gonna come back ’round.
I can’t believe I’m in this place. How’d I get here, again? I’m confused.
I believe in giving, loving, sharing, and living one’s own path with appreciation for life. That being said, I realize my viewpoint is somewhat idealistic, which might possibly be it’s pitfall, and I acknowledge not everyone feels the way I do. Not everyone can live by these key (yet simple and pure) motives… even I can’t at times. I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not perfect, I’m often wrong, I make mistakes, and even though I hate the very idea of it, I do hurt others sometimes. When those mistakes happen, or if I’ve wronged someone, it eats me up to no end – even to the point of succumbing to my own emotional and mental peril as I try to make wrongs right. Those whom I’ve wronged, even those who’ve wronged me, still deserve dignity and respect in the form of as little drama and fanfare as possible, even if “I’m-burning-this-bridge-for-the-last-time” is the point we’ve reached. Why drag out pain for the world to see when the person who’s hurting is… hurting?
Read more on Again (I’m dazed in madness, Can’t lose this sadness)…
I'm a traveler of places & an adventurer of emotions. I converse with the world through social media & communicate with humankind through open-mindedness. I advocate for what I believe is right & embrace possibitarianism. I'm an optimistic realist & I learn more about myself the more I understand about others. I'm a giver of endless second chances & the wearer of a shirt-sleeve heart. I'm a reveler in chaos & I love my own idealistic, unwavering hopefulness that one day I'll figure myself out.
In my life I've been 180° and back again & I'm ever-aware of what I have yet to learn...
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